BABIES

So recently for some reason there has been a lot of BABY talk in my life. Whether it's people who love babies, hate babies. have baby fever, or people who have ended up with babies by accident. I never really realized how much we as people want to have BABIES! I mean how many times have we said "I want to have his babies" as a compliment to how attractive you think that guy is. Or anytime you are in public and there is a couple with a new baby, we just swoon over the tiny human! (if this does not apply to you, then don't worry it will happen.) I know that mostly women do all of the above, but there are guys out there who feel the same way! In my human sexuality class we are learning a lot about the reproductive system. My teacher talks about the social norms, the technicalities, and the emotional aspect of reproduction. But there is this guy in my class who always comments on the biological aspect. He knows a lot, and he always ends up saying that we are biologically predisposed to procreate. Many people see it as a right. But what if that "right" has been taken away from you? We always here about the people who are very fertile, but we never really hear about the people who cannot have children. This has been a sensitive subject for me for a very long time, but I am going to go ahead and tackle it. After every thing I have been through, my dream has been to grow up, get an education, meet a man I love, and have a family. I think it was one of the days after my bone marrow transplant, when I had a conversation with one of my doctors about my future. I was anxious to get the hell out of the hospital and move on with my life. I asked him when he thought I would be ok to go back to school. Could I go to concerts? How about birthday parties? Was I allowed to have a boyfriend? Would his kiss be the kiss of death? How long until I could go about my life without having raw hands form washing and sanitizing? And most importantly when will my body be ready to have kids? (I am in NO RUSH but I wanted to know) Thinking that he would just respond with some age in my late twenties, I went ahead and asked about babies. Little did I know that in one nonchalant sentence he would shoot down my dreams of one day being a mother. I hated him for telling me this because he acted like it was obvious that my body had been through so much shit that no way in hell would it make babies. I know he didn't mean it in a rude way but hey, I WAS JUST TOLD THAT I WOULD NO ACCOMPLISH THE ONE THING THAT WOMEN ARE SUPPOSED TO ACCOMPLISH IN LIFE!! Obviously things are different these days. There are  people who don't want children and live a happy life. There are other dreams I can have. But what if I meet that person who I am supposed to be with but he wants to have children and I can't give him that..? (of course it's not the end of the world. I am still capable of seeing the big picture guys) Anyway at the time I was a mess. Every time my mom would ask the stupid question about babies I would break down in tears. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I will never be able the grow a tiny human, but that won't stop me from being a mom. I will adopt. In fact I recently realized that my favorite doll as a child was this adorable little black baby. I think I might have known all along. There are many children out there who need a family. Maybe this is my purpose in life, to love a child as if I birthed him/her. There is no reason why I can't do that. I know I don't have to worry about it yet but it will always be in the back of my mind.



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