Showing posts from March, 2017


Guilt has been the theme of the day.  Family guilt, spending guilt, sexual guilt, spiritual guilt, alcohol guilt and above all food guilt. What a strange little word that holds so much power... It started last night. 

Who am I kidding? It started the day I was born!  I could get really into the meaning of guilt and the background of guilt and where it stems from and who was the first person in the world who felt guilt.. but that would literally need its own book. So I will just start with myself. 
Last night it was late and I was with my girlfriends. We decided to watch a movie while drinking wine and crafting. (each of us in a different art medium) We went for the animated kids movie Home. Its adorable really, all about this little alien who finds his way aroud earth. Anyway, that's not important. After having a glass or two of wine my tummy started doing that 'I'm hungry but its almost midnight' kind of gurgle. I had a very late lunch after work so I turned to the gi…

What If?

I am not often anxious.
Let me rephrase that... I dont often let people see how anxious I really am.

I've never really talked about my anxiety with anyone. Not even with the many therapists that I have seen over other years. My list of problems was so vast that I would tell myself "I've got 99 problems but anxiety ain't one!" As a kid and a young teen I remember being pretty fearless. I had all the confidence in the world. I had no problem being alone, and talking to people was easy. I thrived off of big groups and crowds. But somehow over the years this has changed a lot. Along with telling myself I wasn't anxious I would tell myself that I was an extrovert and outgoing. My mom always  preached that your thoughts are realized. So if you tell yourself you are happy then you are happy if you think you're fat, you're gonna be fat! Naturally I adopted this mentality when thinking about my mental health. For the longest time I tried to will away my depre…