The update that has been patiently waiting at my fingertips.

I'm writing to you from the comfort of my cozy haven of a bed, next to a bowl of freshly popped popcorn and a glass of a fancy red a friend gifted me. Between each bite, while the sharp parts of the corn wedge their way in between my teeth, I am piecing together the body of this post in my head. (pause while I take my bra off because nobody can think straight with a bra constricting them) ... (another long pause while I adjust myself on my bed leaving the perfect amount of space between my keyboard, the popcorn and my wine) OK! Now I'm ready.
As most of you know by now, I have a new job! (imagine the ruby twinkle in my eye as I tell you this) I am officially what they call a RUBY. And that my friends is major accomplishment for me. I found a job that I am really good at and that finally benefits me in the long run. (And the short run..$) I am so incredibly ecstatic about Ruby Receptionists, that I have to constantly pause while doing random things and take it all in. Wether it…

lacrime, tränen, lagrimas, larmes

Today was a day for choking back tears.  Don't ask me why. I couldn't tell you.  One would think that there is no possible reason for me to be sad right now. And one would be right.  I recently got hired at new job that I am over the moon about. I live with one of my best friends. I am fairly independent and my pain has been more and more under control. Why have I spent the entire day fighting the urge to cry? I know it has been a good minute since I have had a serious cry but I am truly dreading this next sob sesh... To those around me, you have been warned. I feel like a ticking time bomb but the clock is broken so I have no idea when it will go off. It could be anything from a neutral comment to some driver not using their blinker that could set me off. I feel like it's gonna be one of those deep deep sobs where I pull evey sad event in my lifetime to the front of my memory and then set up a really depressing playlist on spotify just to make sure I have enough ammuntio…

Dear Diary

I'm afraid the intro if this post is going to have striking resemblance to one of my preteen diary entries.

"Dear Diary,
     I am sorry I haven't written in a while. I have been very busy."

I would then proceed to tell my diary about what has kept me away. I will spare you all the details to my "busy" life and just jump into the present moment.
I am writing to you all from my small little bedroom nest in Portland. I am freshly showered, sprawled out on my just made bed, (pause while I talk to my dad on facetime) cozy in my minky blankets that Nana and Oakleigh got me. I wake up every sunday with 'Sunday Kind of Love' stuck in my head. Sunday's referesh my soul. After a long week of nonsense I always look forward to sleeping in on sunday. Today I gathered all of my christmas presents and wrapped them. I LOVE gift giving. I can only imagine how much more I would love it if I had sufficient funds!! This christmas I feel like I am giving the bare m…

First Day Of Rain

I woke up this morning knowing that I absolutely HAD to update you all on my life here in Portland. Especially since my last post was pretty heavy and negative. I was seeing everything through "eclipse colored glasses". Let me start off by saying that I am 100% happy right now. I woke up today smiling with every part of my body. My mouth was smiling, my eyes were smiling, my heart was smiling, even my little toe was feeling the smile. My alarm may have gone off this morning but what really woke me up was energetic jumps and kisses from Cody Joe. What an amazing way to wake up! Now I understand all my dog people. When I would wake up to my kitties all I wanted to do was snuggle up next to them and sleep the rest of the day. Nothing like pupper kisses to start your day off right! I have been reflecting on my life a lot lately. You can ask Lucy, she gets to witness my weird pauses where I stop in a random place in my apartment and zone out for five minutes at a time. The truth …

Totality Phased By The Eclipse

Guys...  Portland is AMAZING. I am so obsessed with this city. I have the most amazing home and I love living with Lucy and Cody. Our apartment has become our little nest in the city. It feels kind of odd that I am already at home. I'm not going to lie it has been kind of an adjustment. At first everything was new and exciting! I mean it still is but now that I'm less busy I have time to do things and I find myself wishing I had all my friends with me so that we could explore together. I could see myself going to Powell's City of Books with Brooke and spending the day there. Cadie and I could find the best Pho in portland. Debz and I could go out and look for accessible walks and hikes. And there is no doubt in my mind that Evangeline and I would hit up some dispensaries and try out the goods on the roof. If Shirese were here we could do a beer tour! I know it's still early in the move and I need to make new friends but my anxiety is ever present and that does make it…



Here I am in my new apartment typing on a desk that I spent 5 hours building yesterday (without help). This week has been a mix between excitment, stress, boredom, anxiety and extreme happiness. And those are in no particular order! I'm not sure it has actually sunk in yet that I live here. Or if it has I am already super at home. I have always been a nester. I love to be surrounded by memories and art. My main goal is to make my place super homey and cozy. Lucy has not moved in yet but tomrrow she's going to start bringing her things over! That's where the boredom comes in. I haven't lived alone in a long time and not having someone to talk to 24/7 is really odd. I noticed that I when I am alone I talk to myself. Somehting both my mom and grandmother do on the regular. Out of all the things that I thought were going to be passed on to me I did not think talking to myself would be one.. 
"Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice!"…


6 Years ago I was at Primary Children's Hospital. One of my parent's was with me (I can't remember which one). If it was my mom she was probably laying with me in my bed watching a funny chick flick. If it was my dad he was probably giving me a foot a rub while we watched either Pranormal Lockdown or Say Yes To The Dress. They would start to make their bed on this little arm chair that would unfold into the hardest most uncomfortable excuse for a bed. I was usually super doped up and as soon as I wanted to sleep I would ask for my 50mg of I.V. benadryl so that I could bypass all the nightmares and just zonk out. This wasn't just a normal night. This was the eve of my bone marrow transplant. As I closed my eyes my new bone marrow was making its flight from germany to the U.S. Just hours before a very selfless and loving woman named Jana had a brutally painful procedure just to give me, a stranger, another chance at life. I can't realy remember how I slept that …