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Showing posts from June, 2014

floating through life, is not considered living...

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After a very long time of wanting to feel numb, I have decided not be completely oblivious to the world. This past week has been anything but calm. Not in a bad way! I am doing the daily physical therapy. On tuesday I went for my annual Ewings check up at Primary Children's. I had to do the usual blood draws and scans. I went down to the cardiology clinic and had my echocardiogram. I have written one other time on Caringbridge about my heart. I remember describing the feeling of the blood pumping through all my veins. I recall laying perfectly still and being able to see my chest beat along with my heart and rise and fall with my lungs. I would slowly watch the Doxorubisin (red deadly chemo) pump slowly but surely right into my heart. I remember spending hours a day apologizing to my body for the damage I was doing. All I could do was fall asleep wishing that nature would take its course without me fighting it. But as it is I am a fighter and nature wasn't strong enough. Not …