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Showing posts from April, 2015

save the dates!!

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I have many dates of the year that have great importance to me. You would think its hard to keep track of, but they were all very huge moments in my life. The most obvious date is my birthday. After that is the day my journey began and that day is November, 7, 2008. The next day I remember as a day with great importance, is the day my tumor was removed by doctor Jones in a 14 hour surgery. That was February, 14, 2009. After that, June 9, 2011. This is the date of my BMT birthday! (you call it your bone marrow birthday because it is a day that you have been infused with new life and its as if you were born again) This june will be my 4th BMT birthday!! After that everything blurs together as a clusterfuck of issues and surgeries. There is one more date that I have stored in my memory as one of the biggest decisions of my life. This date is April, 18, 2014. On April 18th I decided to become vegetarian. This was a huge deal for me because I had finally made a change in my life that I CAN…

DON'T EVER COUNT ON THE FUTURE

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I just had the most fabulous birthday weekend! 22 Is feeling really great so far! I had a lovely party at my house with most of my closest friends, as well as some new friends. We celebrated well into the night!! It was definitely an amazing string of events! However!!!! On the ninth I went to get an x-ray on my right hip because I have been in horrible pain lately. It looks like my hip has finally collapsed just as my left one had a couple years ago. Dr. Jones has recommended to operate and replace the hip. He has also advised to fuse my ankle while I am going to be under anyway. Unfortunately this means I am not going to be able to take classes this summer as I have been planning. A few weeks ago I officially declared gender studies and I was super excited to jump into that ASAP. So yah, no school, no traveling and lots of hospital time. I am hurting a lot right now, physically and mentally. I am having a hard time accepting that once again I am putting my goals on hold for my body.…

One step forward, two steps back but always in the now

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"Some days, 24 hours is too much to stay put in, so I take the day hour by hour, moment by moment. I break the task, the challenge, the fear into small, bite-size pieces. I can handle a piece of fear, depression, anger, pain, sadness, loneliness, illness. I actually put my hands up to my face, one next to each eye, like blinders on a horse."
                 -Regina Brett

It is bittersweet to forget to write. Bitter because you are at the risk of forgetting special details of your stories. Sweet because you can see how far you have come since the last time you wrote. I never manage to remember everything I wanted to write about. Everything I skip i end up putting an old shoe box of mine where i hold my deepest thoughts and fondest memories. This shoe box has my favorite images plastered on it, inside and out.  It plays the songs that have so many times brought me to tears. This box sparkles with glitter that holds all the laughs I ever laughed and holds the laughs of those w…