When I Smile
Have you ever experienced something so horrible that you block it out for good? Something so traumatizing that you put the memory in a little box, inside of a bigger box, inside of an even bigger box, lock it with every mental deadbolt you can find and then light it on fire? Something so damaging that just a familiar smell or sound will throw you into a panic stricken, anxiety attack? Have you ever had a dream of your horrible trauma, that in your sleep manages to paralyze you into a world of remembrance? A world where there is no escaping the horror that you have already once lived? Have you ever lied to yourself profoundly, so that one day you will believe your own lies? Do you ever have flashbacks strong enough to relive a moment for several days in a row that drives you into a dark hole that is nearly impossible to climb out of? I HAVE I am someone who has mastered the art of optimism and positivity. I can co