TODAY IS THE DAY

Today is a day that ALWAYS creeps up on me. Every year I wake up, scroll through facebook, and see other people's posts first. It takes a second for me to process that February 4th is a day that celebrates me and every other person on this earth who has been in some way effected by cancer. Today is World Cancer Day. This day, this glorious day, it is a day that everyone is a part of. Even if you have a friend of a friend of a friend who has cancer, you are still part of the tangled web that is this disease. No matter what age you are, or what type it is, being diagnosed is a game changer. I have seen newborn babies just out of the womb in the outpatient oncology clinic getting blood transfusions and chemo therapy. I have also heard of 90 year old grandparents getting it. People may say things such as, "Well, he's already old, and has lived his life," or "She just came to this world and she doesn't know any different." That doesn't make it okay! How is it possible that we spend so much money each year trying to find a way out of this horrible fate, yet people everywhere are still suffering? This is the part where some religious folk may tell you they're infamous quote, "God doesn't give you anything you can't handle." Well shit. I can probably handle a lot more than what I have gone through! Does it mean I have to?
     Cancer has taught me many things. It has given me certain things that I would have never found on my own and it has taken away many things that were good for me. One thing it has taught me is that the highest power is nowhere else other than inside myself. It has taught me that only I am in charge of how life turns out for me. I could have gone through many other roads in my life but somehow I always choose, the smile, the optimism, the fight. It would have been very easy to just give up. In fact I spent a lot of time thinking about how nice it would be to just give up. I could have just given up completely. Lived my life to the fullest in the last moments I had and died peacefully! It would have been so easy. Until you think about the reasons that make you fight. I thought about my mama. Why would I throw in the towel when I had my mother by my side? They say there is no greater pain than burying your child. I could never do that to her. I also thought about my daddy. I thought about his strength and his love for his three beautiful girls. Everything he has ever done and sacrificed for us. All his hard work and love. Me giving up would mean I didn't appreciate what he has done for me. Finally more than anything, what kind of sister would I be to teach my little sisters to take the easy way out? I have to remind myself all of these things even to this day. I am going to say it, some people are lucky. Some people get diagnosed, do the treatment, grow their hair back out and proceed living their lives. There will always be the people who are better off or worse off than myself. But I still have to live my life one day at a time if I ever want to make something of myself. And I do want to. Even though I may be still very much dealing with all of my side effects 6 years later, I know there is more that I can do. I know I can push myself harder. I know I can eat better I know I can work out more and I know I can be happier. I just need to power through all of the bullshit and keep going!
    So yes this day certainly means a lot to me. It is easy to forget about all of these things, but I am just one person out of the MILLIONS who are living with cancer, or the effects of cancer today. So, maybe reach out to someone you know and let them know how you have not forgotten what a badass they are! Maybe send them some flowers, or bring them coffee. You could take them to lunch or even just call them and talk. We are a strong group of people and even though we are fearless we still desire love and recognition, because  WE ARE SURVIVORS.









































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