Totality Phased By The Eclipse

Guys... 

Portland is AMAZING. I am so obsessed with this city. I have the most amazing home and I love living with Lucy and Cody. Our apartment has become our little nest in the city. It feels kind of odd that I am already at home. I'm not going to lie it has been kind of an adjustment. At first everything was new and exciting! I mean it still is but now that I'm less busy I have time to do things and I find myself wishing I had all my friends with me so that we could explore together. I could see myself going to Powell's City of Books with Brooke and spending the day there. Cadie and I could find the best Pho in portland. Debz and I could go out and look for accessible walks and hikes. And there is no doubt in my mind that Evangeline and I would hit up some dispensaries and try out the goods on the roof. If Shirese were here we could do a beer tour! I know it's still early in the move and I need to make new friends but my anxiety is ever present and that does make it hard to meet people. 

Work is a total shit show here. I didn't realize that the reason I LOVED my job so much in Utah was that I worked with amazing people. I know in my last post I was super ecstatic about work but since then ture colors have seeped through. My boss in Salt Lake was an angel and my co-workers were some of my closest friends. I guess you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone. And boy is it gone. After my first day at work I went home and shut off. My boss seemed really cool and everyone was nice but I felt really lonely. I realized that it was probably just because it was my first day and I was overwhelmed, so I got ready for day 2. As soon as I parked my car in the lot and turned off the ignition I dove into a really intense panic attack. I called everyone in my family but they were all either working or busy. I calmed down after a few minutes, composed myself and went in. I think the main issue is that my boss and I have very different personalities. She is very outgoing and loud with a very blunt edge to her. She speaks her mind right then and there without beating around any bush. I was that kid in school where if my teacher would call on me or put me on the spot I would cry and take it personally. She makes me feel like I'm in school again.. Maybe I need thicker skin but I can't help how I feel. We just don't mesh well. Since I started work we have had one GSA quit the morning before her shift and another GSA put in her 2 weeks. Now there are only 3 of us and saying I'm overwhelmed is an understatement. When I first go here I didn't think I would be able to get enough hours but now that I don't even like my job anymore I want less and less. Maybe it's the eclipse but I'm feeling another change on the horizon. 

Yesterday I got to wake up in a state that is in the path of totality for the 2017 eclipse. Portland only had 99.2% obscuration. Even though it wasn't 100% I still felt the effects of the eclipse in full force! It's commonly known that eclipse messes with our energy. And yesterday I was in a serious funk. I woke up in time to go up to the rooftop for the Eclipse party and get the last pair of glasses. Lucy and I shared our stylish sun seers. We did find ourselves accidentally looking up before the Eclipse were all the way on and then all we could see was the white light from looking at the sun..(we were dumb yesterday). It was hard to even comprehend what I was feeling during obscuration. My senses were stumped. It was cold and kind of felt like the sun was setting but then again the sun was in the sky. The light was super flat and I felt like I was looking around in Sepia colored lenses. The dogs that were on the roof were freaking out. And then without warning my brain felt like it was going to explode. I felt like I couldn't take in any new information. I took the elevator down to the apartment and b-lined it to my bed. I crawled in and passed out. I had really vivid dreams. Some were scary and others were just plain weird. When I woke up I felt like I needed to cry. Luckily I had a little snuggle bug in my bed. I pulled Cody Joe (not a man, my boston terrier roommate) closer and we fell back asleep. I finally woke up again around 5 and cody was still fast asleep right next to me. I was feeling a little better. We got out of bed and I started to pull myself together again. I face-timed a couple friends and started feeling an ache for home. Everything was bleek again I was sad and confused. I missed my family and all my friends. I knew I had to go to sleep again and try to wake up in the morning with a clear head on my shoulders. 

I am happy to say that I woke up feeling well rested and ready to take on the new day. I am currently sitting in a new café across the street from my building called Oracle. Just like any other establishment in Portland this one does not disappoint. In a couple hours I need to get ready for work. I am still not happy with things on the work front but hopefully my trip to Utah in the beginning of september will revitalize me and restore my love for my job. If not, I will begin the job hunt. To all my Utah people, I love you guys and miss you more than anything I could possibly write out. Feel free to call me or facetime. I may be in a new state but my friends and family are still what makes me happiest in life. 

xoxo