Boy, Bye!!

This year went by so freaking fast. It was a whirlwind of events and emotions. I am thankful for 2016, but in all the ways you wouldn't think. Don't get me wrong 2016 was fucked in a lot of ways! However, I might just be in a place where I can reflect on it and grow..

Thank you 2016 for showing me how ready I was to leave school. After failing so many times at something that I thought I really wanted, I finally saw that school isn't for everyone. Especially not for me. (at least for now) With that decision I made it to the Utah Pride Center. I had a new amount of time on my hands and I chose to spend it volunteering. That one choice eventually landed me a job. In april I was finally hired at UPC and I found my dream job. Yes it is a non-profit. Yes it is hard to support myself (especially at the end of the year). Yes I learn every time I set foot in that building. AND YES I feel like I am making a small difference.

Thank you 2016 for fucking me over both times I applied for disability. (very long pause trying to think of why the hell I am thankful for this bs...) Having been denied for disability has enlightened me in many ways. One of which is getting to see from a new perspective, that I have been very privileged so far in my life. My family has always supported me in everything. Financially, medically, and physically. I have been very fortunate to be on my parent's insurance and they have always supported my desire for independence. Now I clearly know what it is I need to accomplish to keep myself afloat. I am determined to find more stability in 2017.

Thank you 2016 for adding another surgery to the list. I may have been EXTREMELY upset by the news of another limb reconstruction operation. Though I didn't see it until very recently, that surgery was so helpful. I am still working on strengthening and I am already much stronger than I was before. 2016 only had one recorded fall!! (it broke my leg, but still!! just 1)I'm still in chronic pain, but the good certainly outweighs the bad. I can now walk with more confidence and with more hope of one day getting rid of those damn crutches!

Thank you 2016 for shattering my heart into a crumbled mess. The only way I got to that point was by feeling love like I have never felt before. I let down my walls. I opened my heart to the posibility of trust and desire. I let go of my fears and jumped into the hardest fall of my life. I learned what it is to love deeply and unconditionally. I wore my heart on my sleeve. I found out what its like to miss someone who hasn't even left yet. I will say that the loss of this particular connection was the most difficult part of my year. Physical pain has nothing on heartache.. It was hard having to pull apart from a new piece of me. It was kind of like that time that my skin had grown over my stitches and I had to cut through my skin to take them out and then heal all over again. It was a time that leaned on my friends. Their comforting arms and wise words softened the blow. After picking up the pieces and puzzling them back together I could imagine my heart looked like a broken mug that you love and try to piece together with super glue. Now with some perspective I can see that my heart is more like kintsukuroi. A broken thing put together again with gold. My heart shines brighter and loves stronger even with its broken pieces. The most amazing thing I learned from this is that I still have nothing but love for this person.

Thank you 2016 for presenting us with a really fucked up election. I know opinions vary but honestly I cannot go a day without being triggered by the President Elect's words and actions. This election has sparked a new fire within me to make a difference and to stand up for what is right. I have thicker skin to deal with all kinds of oppression. I feel like I have found my voice and am ready to come together wiht my peers and organize to help make this world resilient, even in the smallest ways. Just having educated conversations helps us come together so we can stand up as citizens of the world.

And finally 2016, thank you for another year of life, family, friends, travels, and happiness. You sucked, but in the best way..


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