Am I The ONLY One?

There are about 5 hours left until the new year.
There will be parties, champagne, fireworks, and kisses. It is a time to bring 2014 to a close and turn the page onto 2015. I feel like yesterday was the 2000 and a lot of people thought the world was going to end, and then in 2012 where they thought that too. Why do you all think the world is going to end?! This time, last year, I was dreading the new year. So much so, that when I woke up on the 1st I was upset that for some miraculous reason the world didn't end. Every year its the same story, "its all coming to an end," "mother earth has had it with our bullshit," "See you next year!...maybe." You know things aren't going well when you are begging the gods of life and death to make it all stop.
    Am I the only one who doesn't like welcoming the new year? It's not that I have had such fantastic year. I had another knee replacement. I fell a few times. I was consistently depressed. I also got D's on this last grade report. I practically failed two classes and I definitely failed another. Since my first semester at the U, I have had such bad luck with finals and school and deciding what I want to do with myself. But that's a whole other conversation. Why is everyone so excited to leave the year behind? I look back on 2014 and see nothing but a whole lot of pain and sadness, yet somehow it comforts me to know that I made it to Dec. 31st. If I could do anything with 2014, I would hug it. I would squeeze tightly for a good minute. I would thank it. I would thank it for my family, friends, and for whats left of my health. I would also thank it for the time I have had to see the big picture called life. I would look back and see all the mistakes I made, and take note of all the things I have learned. I don't yet know what I will do with 2015 but I know I will try my best like I always do. I will try better than my best. But until then I will hold on to 2014 for a little bit longer. I'm never ready to move on. In fact I lived in the past for a good five years because that was the only part of my life that I could stand. I still find myself looking back and I quickly remind myself that life is not looking forward to a new year and it's not looking back and wishing you could relive the past. It's about being in the present and savoring every minute of this small insignificant life we have. If we compare it to the universe we are nothing. Just a little piece of time. If we compare life to our souls, we will clearly see that our life matters a great deal. We get to choose what we make of life and what we learn, take and give back. This would probably be a good time to thank the universe for the year I have had.

Thank you for teaching me patience
Thank you for helping me embrace my individuality
Thank you for the time I spent learning about myself
Thank you for helping me find the will to keep improving
Thank you for helping me realize what I am capable of
Thank you for showing me that the sky is not the limit
Thank you for teaching me that I am a strong woman who has the key to unlocking my happiness
Thank you for the people who I constantly cross paths with
Thank you for giving me the courage to push out of my comfort zone to try something new
Thank you for showing me that forgiveness sets you free
Above all thank you for the experience

Thank you universe, god, buddha, mother nature, and all the rest for this year. I promise to not waste any more time doing things I do not absolutely love. I promise I will work my hardest to improve my outlook on life and my health so that one day I can achieve the goals I set for myself.

Happiness is like a kiss. You must share it to enjoy it.
-Bernard Meltzer
Happiness can exist only in acceptance.
-George Orwell

Happy New Year everyone. And If you're like me and you're not the biggest fan of NYE just remember to be grateful, patient and kind.

With Love and Light,


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