I No Longer Call Myself A Victim

I went to the gym today.. (for those of you who don't know me, that is a MAJOR accomplishment.. not physically, but mentally) I have found myself a gym buddy and I am so grateful! Knowing that she is counting on me to meet her there I push myself to go, even if I want to get "couch locked" with some netflix and tea. So for the first time in a VERY long time, I went to the gym two days in a row! YAY ME! I am not just rambling, I promise. There is a point I'm going to make somewhere in here. At first it took a lot of guts to get myself to the gym. I can't exactly do everything there and I used to always be afraid of what people would think of me when they saw me struggling with an eight lb. weight. Its not like I have a giant tattoo on my forehead saying "TWO TIME CANCER SURVIVOR, DON'T JUDGE." Although, sometimes I wish I did. I don't really care what people think anymore. When I walk into the gym (or anywhere for that matter) with my cane, I wonder what is going through everyones minds, but I could't care less. They probably don't even realize or notice! It'
s just all in my head. Every now and then I will have a conversation with someone new and they will ask. I don't mind when people ask me whats wrong. In fact I kinda get excited! I love telling people about my accomplishments because I sound like a bad ass! But it doesn't always come out the way I want it to. A lot of the time I'll explain what happened and then I get this horrified look in return. I hesitate to explain sometimes because people then view me as a victim. I'll agree that I was once a victim to cancer, but not anymore. I am tired of being defined by my past. That was just a phase of my life where I learned more about myself than some people do in a lifetime. I now know who I am, what I believe, and what I want. Thanks to cancer I have found myself, so it's not all bad.


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