Let go, or be dragged.
There is no way for me to sugar coat the fact that I have completely neglected my blog for the last forever. All I can do is chalk it up to the fact that life has been good and busy and too magical to put into words. Every now and then I make an instagram post with a solid caption that can give you some insight to my feelings and moods, but it never really paints an entire picture. My life (and the lives of those around me) has been wild lately!
I have been putting a lot of effort into my job and it has been rewarding in many ways! As some of you know, I applied for another position at my job but didn't end up getting it. It was disappointing in the moment but now in hindsight I see how much the process has contributed to my growth and experience in the corporate world. The person who did get the job is also a total bad ass and I take comfort in knowing that I put up a good fight. She is also a friend of mine, so her victories are my victories. Even with the set back, I have been trying hard to absorb as much information as possible and to always put my best foot (wheel) forward. I know that I am appreciated by my peers and my superiors, and that means a lot to me.
Outside of work I am in the process of massive changes to my life. The change has been coming for a while but I was in denial about most of it. My entire social circle has shifted and it has been a really hard transition. Making friends as an adult can be very difficult and sometimes discouraging. I feel very lucky to have the friends that I do, but it is hard work, and sometimes loving someone is just not enough. As an adult, I am learning to set boundaries and how to ask for what I want from a friend/partner. I have also learned the valuable lesson of knowing to 'let go, or be dragged.' Sometimes you just have to know when to let go of something or someone before it hurts you. I have learned that I am the type of person who clings to anyone/thing that is good and most of the time I cling too hard. I know that life is short and that is why I hold on for dear life. I am not the best at letting things come and go. I mourn the loss of any friendship and I miss it to my core. I let myself feel my feelings and I decided to move on. I am a good friend and I don't want to be around people who don't want me around. I am thankful for those who are in my circle and who do value the time we share together and space we share.
Next Saturday Nandini (my roommate) is moving back to Utah and I don't think it has registered yet that my person is not going to be here when I wake up Sunday morning. I will be totally alone in an apartment that we nested in together for a year. We made our home a safe haven in the land of mossy trees. We covered our walls with pictures of the fearless women who came before us and taught us that we were capable of everything and so much more. We brewed each other coffee on the weekends and left notes of love and encouragement when the going got tough. For each and every occasion we brought each other flowers. We made our couch into a giant bed and binged rom coms from the 90's. On the days that were extra tough we would turn off the lights and blast Bollywood music to have a raging dance party. Just the two of us. We wandered over to Broadway and ate sushi at Yuki. We "coffee shopped" on the weekends. She would study for the GRE and I would take care of bills and appointments. We even opened an Etsy account to sell some of our lettering. We had giant ideas and executed the bare minimum. Neither of us are surprised that we never made a single sale. We made frequent trips to Green Zebra Grocery, below our apartment. We built a rapport with all of the staff and they learned our orders. Two tuna melts, one with jalapeños and one without. We gave them all our money and in return they fed us, one meal at a time. We would constantly bitch about the price of a sandwich but we would never show any restraint when our tummies grumbled. We constantly discussed the sandwich man and how at least one of us should give him our number. We enabled each other when shopping. We enabled each other when we wanted to nap instead of actually work. We face timed our little sisters and reminisced about a time where we were little tinies in the collegiate world. Most of all, we cried into each other's embrace more often than we will ever admit. I truly have no idea what life is going to look like when Nand leaves, but I will never find another roommate, sister, best friend, like her. I know this is just the beginning of our lives, but the close of this chapter sure feels a lot like an ending.
Mid November I will be moving into a studio on my own and I will begin a new chapter. It will be hard to be alone and I know my plants are going to love it when I spend more time talking to them. I am hoping to adopt a cat when I come back from being home for the holidays. There are new exciting things on the horizon, but that doesn't mean saying goodbye will be any easier.
Thank you for reading my little update! If you are in Utah, I look forward to seeing you around Christmas! If you are in Oregon, I will be back on the 31st of January and would love to ring in the new year with friends. If you are in any other part of the world, I hope you know that I think of you often and I wish I could come visit soon!
Talk to you later loves!
Cata
I have been putting a lot of effort into my job and it has been rewarding in many ways! As some of you know, I applied for another position at my job but didn't end up getting it. It was disappointing in the moment but now in hindsight I see how much the process has contributed to my growth and experience in the corporate world. The person who did get the job is also a total bad ass and I take comfort in knowing that I put up a good fight. She is also a friend of mine, so her victories are my victories. Even with the set back, I have been trying hard to absorb as much information as possible and to always put my best foot (wheel) forward. I know that I am appreciated by my peers and my superiors, and that means a lot to me.
Outside of work I am in the process of massive changes to my life. The change has been coming for a while but I was in denial about most of it. My entire social circle has shifted and it has been a really hard transition. Making friends as an adult can be very difficult and sometimes discouraging. I feel very lucky to have the friends that I do, but it is hard work, and sometimes loving someone is just not enough. As an adult, I am learning to set boundaries and how to ask for what I want from a friend/partner. I have also learned the valuable lesson of knowing to 'let go, or be dragged.' Sometimes you just have to know when to let go of something or someone before it hurts you. I have learned that I am the type of person who clings to anyone/thing that is good and most of the time I cling too hard. I know that life is short and that is why I hold on for dear life. I am not the best at letting things come and go. I mourn the loss of any friendship and I miss it to my core. I let myself feel my feelings and I decided to move on. I am a good friend and I don't want to be around people who don't want me around. I am thankful for those who are in my circle and who do value the time we share together and space we share.
Next Saturday Nandini (my roommate) is moving back to Utah and I don't think it has registered yet that my person is not going to be here when I wake up Sunday morning. I will be totally alone in an apartment that we nested in together for a year. We made our home a safe haven in the land of mossy trees. We covered our walls with pictures of the fearless women who came before us and taught us that we were capable of everything and so much more. We brewed each other coffee on the weekends and left notes of love and encouragement when the going got tough. For each and every occasion we brought each other flowers. We made our couch into a giant bed and binged rom coms from the 90's. On the days that were extra tough we would turn off the lights and blast Bollywood music to have a raging dance party. Just the two of us. We wandered over to Broadway and ate sushi at Yuki. We "coffee shopped" on the weekends. She would study for the GRE and I would take care of bills and appointments. We even opened an Etsy account to sell some of our lettering. We had giant ideas and executed the bare minimum. Neither of us are surprised that we never made a single sale. We made frequent trips to Green Zebra Grocery, below our apartment. We built a rapport with all of the staff and they learned our orders. Two tuna melts, one with jalapeños and one without. We gave them all our money and in return they fed us, one meal at a time. We would constantly bitch about the price of a sandwich but we would never show any restraint when our tummies grumbled. We constantly discussed the sandwich man and how at least one of us should give him our number. We enabled each other when shopping. We enabled each other when we wanted to nap instead of actually work. We face timed our little sisters and reminisced about a time where we were little tinies in the collegiate world. Most of all, we cried into each other's embrace more often than we will ever admit. I truly have no idea what life is going to look like when Nand leaves, but I will never find another roommate, sister, best friend, like her. I know this is just the beginning of our lives, but the close of this chapter sure feels a lot like an ending.
Mid November I will be moving into a studio on my own and I will begin a new chapter. It will be hard to be alone and I know my plants are going to love it when I spend more time talking to them. I am hoping to adopt a cat when I come back from being home for the holidays. There are new exciting things on the horizon, but that doesn't mean saying goodbye will be any easier.
Thank you for reading my little update! If you are in Utah, I look forward to seeing you around Christmas! If you are in Oregon, I will be back on the 31st of January and would love to ring in the new year with friends. If you are in any other part of the world, I hope you know that I think of you often and I wish I could come visit soon!
Talk to you later loves!
Cata
Comments
Post a Comment