Slow Motion

I have been stuck in a pensive state.
Everything I do flows at a glacial pace.
Waking up in the morning takes an hour longer than usual.
I lay in bed drawing in long breaths.
I slowly trace all of the curvatures and scars of my body.
This is time I spend learning about new bumps, freckles, and wrinkles on my skin.
No matter how much I think I know about my body, I seem to learn something new about myself every time.
My senses take more time to take in information.
I react a lot slower to the phone ringing or a knock at the door.
Every step I take is carefully meditated.
I plan exactly where each toe will land on the cold ground.
Randomly I will pause and take in my surroundings.
Sometimes I will look at something that I see every day and see it with new eyes.
I overthink what I am going to say.
I plan conversations in my head, making sure that I have a response to any variety of directions the conversation may go.
Every now and then I will think about my future.
I get lost thinking about verything I want out of life.
Then I feel defeat knowing that nothing is for sure.
Often times before I know it, the day will be over.
So the next morning I begin again.
Floating through life in a very heightened state.
Sometimes I feel numb.
Other times I feel everything magnified.
I have the desire to create.
Other artists will inspire me but at the same time rob me of any ideas.
I constantly crave the oposite season.
Music drives me.
Silence freezes me.
I get bursts of feeling empowered and able to conquer anything thrown my way.
I cry.
A lot.
I seek comfort in a screen where other people lead real and fake lives.
I crave affection.
At times all I want is to be held and wanted.
Anxiety will suffocate me while thinking of the state of my home, family and country.
Daydreaming about a world without hate.
There is a deep need for me to be wanted and desired.
I remind myself that not only am I enough but I am MORE than enough.
Before I know it the day ends.
I begin again.
I smile before my eyes open in the morning in hopes that the smile will guide the events of my new day.


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