I need you

Hello fellow humans.

Just so I don't jump into some serious news right away, I will update you on what I am thankful for in this very moment..

I thankful for my family.

I am thankful for my loving and generous friends.

I am thankful for the roof over my head. (wether it be in PC or SLC)

I am thankful for my four-legged loves, both pokey and soft. (Frankie and Lottie)

I am thankful for my education.

I am thankful for my dream job. (I love you UPC)

I am thankful for an amazing land lady whom I get along with VERY well.

I am thankful for my sisters. (biological)

I am thankful for my sisters. (kappa kappa gamma)

I am thankful for my survival.

I am thankful for my medical team.

I am thankful for my residency.

I am thankful for my nationality.

               and...

I am thankful to be in stable place in my life where I can confidently conquer the current obstacle I am facing.


     The last month has been composed of numerous ups. I am healing, it's summer, physical therapy has been rocking my world, I started using my walker again, I moved back home to SLC, I am working at my absolute favorite place in Salt Lake, I got another job on the weekends to start really helping my parents with my living expences, my friendships are blooming, I feel beautiful 99% of the time, I went to california, I made new friends, I'm thinking of getting my license as a nail technician, and so many other things have been keeping my head held way high. Even though I fell in may, I am healing! Or so I thought.
 
      Last week I started to feel a bit of a crunch as I put weight through my right leg. I felt it right in the spot that the x-ray showed a fracture in three months ago. Thinking it was probably nothing, I kept walking and using it. Finally last Thursday after my staff meeting, I got really worried and I went in to see my very own personal god, Dr. Jones. I was very grateful that my friend/coworker/temporary roommate, Liesl, took me up to Huntsman. I got x-rays and then waited patiently for Jones to come in. (He had just gotten out of a surgery) When I saw him looking over the scans I could tell he was stumped. I for sure thought the worst thing he was going to say was that I needed another cast, and I was ready to fight him on it. Casts are the worst... It turns out that the bottom of my knee implant, that runs deep through my tibia, is loose. The fall had caused the fracture and it never healed. Before I knew it we were scheduling my surgery. Not only will he be fixing my knee implant but he will also be pulling down my patela and putting back in the normal spot. (For those of you that don't know, my knee cap has migrated well above knee and imbedded itself into my quad muscle) I got labs drawn to rule out any infection and they sent me on my way.

Liesl took me home, made sure I was fed and helped me get settled, in front of trash tv to numb my thoughts. Later that day our friend Allen came over and brought cookie dough and wine. I also got a visit from my childhood best friend Brianne. Even though my eyes were puffy and red, I was wearing no pants, and I looked like a big pathetic ball of depression, I was ok, because my friends were there to support me. It has been four days, and even though the initial shock has worn off, I am still very much dealing with all of this internally. I am in a form of denial. That's why when I went to physical therapy today and actually processed how hard this will be, I could no longer deny my near future. I am however very aware of the fact that this could be a lot worse. I haven't forgotten that not too long ago I was preparing myself for an amputation. I know that the risks that  accompany this surgery could lead to amputation.

    Somtimes while I'm writing I wonder to myself why I'm even posting all of this. The truth is, I am tired of telling everyone individually. Talking about this sucks because it's still so new. Also, this is the only way I know how to ask for help and support. I don't know what I need right now. I couldn't tell you. The only thing keeping me sane right now is distraction. If you find a way to distract me even just for a little bit I would really appreciate it. Thank you for reading and understanding my time of need for love and support. I don't really see an end to this madness so I cannot assure you in the slightest way possible that this will be the last time I ask for your help.

I am thankful for you,


xoxoxo
Catalina