I haven't found the will to write a lot lately. I just feel like anything I say will be laced with fear and anxiety. I don't think It is necessary to put out negative words in the universe. What good will it do if I explain to you all how much pain, confusion and suffering I am dealing with?? I know there is nothing that can be done and by saying it out loud it just makes the situation more real. I am trying very hard to stay positive. I am struggling to keep my head above water but sometimes I feel myself slowly sinking further under. I cannot explain the amount of support I have been getting everywhere I go. The first place I go to seek comfort is to my kappa sisters. Somehow they know just what to do and say to make me feel loved and not alone. Whether it's Kelsey who comes and serenades me with songs from her ukelele, or Kinsey scratching my back during chapter, or Brooke  asking if I need anything from the kitchen when she goes down, or B-Pypes texting me 24/7 getting me pumped for Coachella this weekend. I love all the forehead kisses I get and all the hugs that I hold on to for my dear life because I never want to go another day without seeing all these beautiful faces. The little things mean the most to me. The other day I was randomly invited to hang out with Marley and Amber and I had so much fun. And Brynn makes the BEST mac and cheese. It doesn't matter who I go to i am treated with unconditional love. My littles take care of me and spend time with me even if they have things to do. The other day my sweet baby Oakleigh came over at like 10 pm just to say hi and check up on me. I could have never foreseen such an amazing life. Even though my health is dangling by a thread my soul has never been happier. Sometimes I wonder if this is what life is all about.. Could it be that I have found everything I could possibly need in my life in the last two years?? At this point I don't care what happens to me as long as I have these women around me I am as happy as can be.
     April 10th I celebrated my 21'st birthday and guess who came to that?? MY KAPPA BABES! I could not have sake for a better birthday. I filled my Paddle with drinks and kisses. You better believe I filled that paddle. And some people bought me drinks and kissed me! I am not about that drunk life so I wasn't about to have 21 drinks in one night! Thank you to everyone who took me out and spent the night with me. Kinsey and Kelsey thank you for buying me the yummiest drinks. Ellie and Brooke thank you for making sure I got all my kisses and stopping the kissing when necessary (old man..). Thanks to all the gents who understood my need for kisses not drinks :) I really had a lot of fun.
      I am trying to get all my school done! Its so hard though when I can hardly walk. I can't make it to classes and then I miss important things. I am hoping that I know enough for finals because thats mainly what I have left. I JUST WANT TO BE DONE!! This weekend B-Pypes (brooke pyper) and I are taking on Coachella! I am sososososososossoosoosoososososososososososoososososososososo EXCITED. Slightly nervous, but excited. The universe knew what would make me happy and with help from some friends in LA Brooke and I will be VIP festival goers.
      Even though I want classes to be over I don't know how I will survive the summer without my kappas. That sounds like straight up hell.. In know I haven't got into the details of my current status with the amputation but its because I have been talking about it too much and I can't go through and explain it one more time. Give me a couple days and I will update you all. For now just know that I am keeping my chin up, I love any and all notes and messages from you all, I am in a really good place mentally and only time will tell what my next step is. I hope your days are filled with warmth flowers and sunshine..
keep smiling,

you know you love me,
kappa girl


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